plz talk dirty to me
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
