So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
