I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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