I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
is wine microwaveable?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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