Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
