areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
