Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
