she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
