Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Farmville is her only friend.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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