Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
they're like a gay fantastic four
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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