I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
