I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
