Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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