hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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