checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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