This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
