got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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