that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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