Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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