I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
