Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So many bounce houses so little time
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
