Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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