he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize