Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Randomize
