The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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