TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
