I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you inspire me to be a worse person
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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