can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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