You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
