i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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