her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
