so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
