I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
