she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
