just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
