call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
