my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
whose parrot is this?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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