i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
