so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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