he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No subtext here. People are naked.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
