By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
