There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
