i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
