I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
