I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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