he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I smell like Dick and happiness
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
