she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
