sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
