I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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