I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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