dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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