dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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