Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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