so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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