my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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