ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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