grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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