Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize