I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
