Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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