he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
