Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
