Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
