dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
