I'm jealous of your bromance
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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