somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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