I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
