I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
