I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
