I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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